BABE ALERT: Babes Abroad! Edition

Yours truly and Loulou in San Francisco. The bar was called The Make-Out Room. No one made out with anyone, sadly.

Yours truly and Loulou in San Francisco. The bar was called The Make-Out Room. No one made out with anyone, sadly.

Greetings, dear readers, and we’re back for a very special edition of BABE ALERT!

Just like Nat & Marie are off in the Big Apple for their Reddit extravaganza, yours truly is writing from foggy London town where I am hanging out with my very special cousin, Loulou, who is a pretty magical girl, and something of an expert BABE-watcher herself.


So this week’s BABES are going to be, just like light drizzle and bowler hats, two 100% pure British BABES. To celebrate and whatnot.


First up we have a new discovery of mine – Jack Whitehall!

The Coles Notes of BABEdom goes thusly: Jack Whitehall was a finalist in a comedy competition called So You Think You’re Funny? and appears in a number of funny things on the telly here. I saw him when he was guest-hosting a show called Have I Got News For You which was basically a big quiz show based on the evening news – Rob Ford made an appearance, naturally – and he was very charming and awkward and had a nice suit on and yes, sometimes it really is that easy with me.

I like your cardigan and messy hair, Jack Whitehall. You look like a lazy Sunday!

I like your cardigan and messy hair, Jack Whitehall. You look like a lazy Sunday!

He has most of an Art History degree, which is pretty hot, and he hosted a short series of comedy shows with his dad, which is oddly hot, and he is unabashedly posh despite that not really lending itself naturally to stand-up comedy (because private schools and nice neighbourhoods aren’t funny?), which is also hot because I always prefer it when people are themselves. Meow! Jack Whitehall, you are a BABE.


Next up is a classic BABE ALERT obsession of mine: Jarvis Cocker. If you’re not already familiar with the amazing 90’s Britpop band he fronted, PULP, we may be fighting.


My mother would whole-heartedly disapprove of you, Jarvis.

I could write sonnets on how much I love Jarvis Cocker. He is amazing. He is also the example I like to give to people when I try to describe the difference between handsome and sexy because, dear readers, there is an enormous difference. It is the je ne sais quoi, the swagger (if you will), and all the louche chain-smoking, shaggy-haired, air of disaffection and whatnot that makes him such a BABE. Is he handsome? Not really. Has he been in my top-ten fantasy boyfriend list since I was, like, 13 years old? A resounding yes.

As I have had a long-standing love affair with Jarvis Cocker (disclaimer: in my mind) I could really go on forever about why he’s so amazing, but I will just leave you with this.

 Sometimes I have really great relationships with my crushes in my head. With Jarvis, we go out to see really good shows, and then we sleep in until noon, after which we go for a late brunch and record shopping. Later on we hang out on the floor, listening to said records, drinking tea and having really intense discussions about our purchases.

So, yes. Judge me if you will, but that’s pretty much why Jarvis Cocker will always be one of my favourite BABES. Because he’s an awesome imaginary boyfriend. And also for the massive amounts of wistfulness expressed in Disco 2000. When he sings her name… ‘Deb-or-ah’, I die. A ghost is writing this. I am dead.

And that concludes this week’s BABE ALERT. If I come back to life in time, I’ll be back next week with the finest BABES in all of BABEDOM.


Helen grew up with the internet, and all the embarrassing trappings that accompanied that; the awkward Geocities personal page, the ICQ addiction, and (of course) the LiveJournal that is still a blight upon her Google search results. It wasn't until her discovery of Homestar Runner, however, that internet culture turned into a full-blown addiction, and eventually, a career. Now a social media strategist and digital creative, Helen spends too much time Googling cat GIFs, Face-stalking, thinking about babes, and finding the perfect Instagram hack.

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