BABE ALERT: The Birth of Babe Alert

Yeah, Idris, you're hot... but do you warrant BABE status?

Yeah, Idris, you’re hot… but do you warrant BABE status?

Greetings to you, dear Nat & Marie readers, and welcome to the inaugural BABE ALERT!

For those of you requiring both context and introductions, my name is Helen Androlia, and I am a completely amateur babe-watching enthusiast who has been asked by the lovely Nat & Marie to provide you with a weekly rundown of what’s going on in the world of BABES.

I have considered quite deeply as to how I was going to launch this feature for you, and, after much debate, I have decided to use an FAQ format to make this easier and perhaps answer some of your questions. I promise that in the future BABE ALERT will never be as wordy as this, so please bear with me.



Um… so, what’s BABE ALERT?

Fair question. BABE ALERT is a hobby of sorts, one that originated from a drunken conversation about a need to celebrate the many things that make a person attractive. It lived for a while in Facebook, and has now found a permanent home here. We live in superficial times, dear readers, and we don’t celebrate the sparkly facets of human awesome. I also get lots of weird crushes. Once a week I discuss said crush, and explain myself. Hopefully you are entertained.


What qualifies in your mind as a BABE?

Many things, really. My quiver – as I like to call it – is wide and expansive. It knows not the bound of gender, ethnicity, or even reality… at least half the time. Looks are important, but also highly subjective. A true BABE also has the following:

  • Brains. Please be smart.
  • Passion. Talent is hot.
  • Style. They set themselves apart with flair, and maybe a little delusion.
  • Kindness. Um… do I need to clarify?
  • Nerditude. I like nerds. You don’t have to agree. It’s my series.
  • Achievements. When you achieve something, that means you have moxie. That’s hot, too.

And, on the other hand, a BABE is not required to be:

  • A man. Babes are babes, folks.
  • Heterosexual, heteronormative, cis, etc. Daydreams are just that. Whatever your quiver, friends. I live to serve.
  • Real. You might laugh, but if you’ve never had a crush on a fictional character (um, like Gambit?) I worry that you’re not getting enough culture.
  • Alive. Time and space are no matter when it comes to awkward crushes!
  • Famous. Models and actors are pretty, sure, but it’s their job. ‘Professional BABES’ are valid, but never included at the exclusion of others.

Bonjour, cherie! I don’t care you’re not real!

Wow, okay. So can I suggest a BABE for you?

Totally. Please just make sure you meet my stringent quiver requirements and understand you’re at the mercy of my subjective whims.


What about my boyfriend/girlfriend/etc.?

Sure, why not? I bet they’re great.


You must be a really lonely woman.

Thanks for your concern, reader, but not only is that not a question, it’s also inaccurate! Yes, I have a boyfriend. Yes, he is totally fine with this. No, he will never appear on BABE ALERT – at his request – and yes, he is totally a BABE. One of the babe-iest BABES I have ever met.

I have nothing else to add, so until next week here's a picture of Ryan Gosling with his dog.  You're welcome.

I have nothing else to add, so until next week here’s a picture of Ryan Gosling with his dog.
You’re welcome.


And that concludes your BABE ALERT primer. I hope you will join me on this pervy journey.


Until next week!


Helen grew up with the internet, and all the embarrassing trappings that accompanied that; the awkward Geocities personal page, the ICQ addiction, and (of course) the LiveJournal that is still a blight upon her Google search results. It wasn't until her discovery of Homestar Runner, however, that internet culture turned into a full-blown addiction, and eventually, a career. Now a social media strategist and digital creative, Helen spends too much time Googling cat GIFs, Face-stalking, thinking about babes, and finding the perfect Instagram hack.


  1. karmacakedotca

    November 21, 2013 at 11:19 am

    Bring on the Babes. Helen, you know who’s a babe? Frank Schuil, Founder of Qubulus, but does it really matter because he looks like Hansel. He’s so hot right now.

    • Helen Androlia

      November 28, 2013 at 1:55 pm

      I am ashamed that I had no idea that Frank Schuil was so handsome.
      He looks like a prince from a not-scary German fairytale. And yes, sometimes they’re not scary.

  2. atubanos

    November 22, 2013 at 11:14 am

    Well, I think we all know which babe I want to see on here: Chris Hadfield!!! 🙂

    • Helen Androlia

      November 28, 2013 at 1:54 pm

      Well… I think the time for that is coming, and soon…

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