BABE ALERT: The Birth of Babe Alert

Yeah, Idris, you're hot... but do you warrant BABE status?

Yeah, Idris, you’re hot… but do you warrant BABE status?

Greetings to you, dear Nat & Marie readers, and welcome to the inaugural BABE ALERT!

For those of you requiring both context and introductions, my name is Helen Androlia, and I am a completely amateur babe-watching enthusiast who has been asked by the lovely Nat & Marie to provide you with a weekly rundown of what’s going on in the world of BABES.

I have considered quite deeply as to how I was going to launch this feature for you, and, after much debate, I have decided to use an FAQ format to make this easier and perhaps answer some of your questions. I promise that in the future BABE ALERT will never be as wordy as this, so please bear with me.

Rain has abs... DAT HUMANITARIAN WORK THO

Rain has abs… DAT HUMANITARIAN WORK THO

Um… so, what’s BABE ALERT?

Fair question. BABE ALERT is a hobby of sorts, one that originated from a drunken conversation about a need to celebrate the many things that make a person attractive. It lived for a while in Facebook, and has now found a permanent home here. We live in superficial times, dear readers, and we don’t celebrate the sparkly facets of human awesome. I also get lots of weird crushes. Once a week I discuss said crush, and explain myself. Hopefully you are entertained.

 

What qualifies in your mind as a BABE?

Many things, really. My quiver – as I like to call it – is wide and expansive. It knows not the bound of gender, ethnicity, or even reality… at least half the time. Looks are important, but also highly subjective. A true BABE also has the following:

  • Brains. Please be smart.
  • Passion. Talent is hot.
  • Style. They set themselves apart with flair, and maybe a little delusion.
  • Kindness. Um… do I need to clarify?
  • Nerditude. I like nerds. You don’t have to agree. It’s my series.
  • Achievements. When you achieve something, that means you have moxie. That’s hot, too.

And, on the other hand, a BABE is not required to be:

  • A man. Babes are babes, folks.
  • Heterosexual, heteronormative, cis, etc. Daydreams are just that. Whatever your quiver, friends. I live to serve.
  • Real. You might laugh, but if you’ve never had a crush on a fictional character (um, like Gambit?) I worry that you’re not getting enough culture.
  • Alive. Time and space are no matter when it comes to awkward crushes!
  • Famous. Models and actors are pretty, sure, but it’s their job. ‘Professional BABES’ are valid, but never included at the exclusion of others.
BABEgambit

Bonjour, cherie! I don’t care you’re not real!

Wow, okay. So can I suggest a BABE for you?

Totally. Please just make sure you meet my stringent quiver requirements and understand you’re at the mercy of my subjective whims.

 

What about my boyfriend/girlfriend/etc.?

Sure, why not? I bet they’re great.

 

You must be a really lonely woman.

Thanks for your concern, reader, but not only is that not a question, it’s also inaccurate! Yes, I have a boyfriend. Yes, he is totally fine with this. No, he will never appear on BABE ALERT – at his request – and yes, he is totally a BABE. One of the babe-iest BABES I have ever met.

I have nothing else to add, so until next week here's a picture of Ryan Gosling with his dog.  You're welcome.

I have nothing else to add, so until next week here’s a picture of Ryan Gosling with his dog.
You’re welcome.

 

And that concludes your BABE ALERT primer. I hope you will join me on this pervy journey.

 

Until next week!

 

Helen grew up with the internet, and all the embarrassing trappings that accompanied that; the awkward Geocities personal page, the ICQ addiction, and (of course) the LiveJournal that is still a blight upon her Google search results. It wasn't until her discovery of Homestar Runner, however, that internet culture turned into a full-blown addiction, and eventually, a career. Now a social media strategist and digital creative, Helen spends too much time Googling cat GIFs, Face-stalking, thinking about babes, and finding the perfect Instagram hack.

4 Comments

  1. karmacakedotca

    November 21, 2013 at 11:19 am

    Bring on the Babes. Helen, you know who’s a babe? Frank Schuil, Founder of Qubulus, but does it really matter because he looks like Hansel. He’s so hot right now. http://www.spidersweb.pl/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/schuil2.jpg

    • Helen Androlia

      November 28, 2013 at 1:55 pm

      I am ashamed that I had no idea that Frank Schuil was so handsome.
      He looks like a prince from a not-scary German fairytale. And yes, sometimes they’re not scary.

  2. atubanos

    November 22, 2013 at 11:14 am

    Well, I think we all know which babe I want to see on here: Chris Hadfield!!! 🙂

    • Helen Androlia

      November 28, 2013 at 1:54 pm

      Well… I think the time for that is coming, and soon…
      😉

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